Meaning of life found. Interim complete.

In all seriousness though, this notion is something that keeps cropping up throughout my readings and experiences. The idea that "true happiness lies in making others happy" is central to the idea of vocation with purpose.

Volunteering nearly Complete... Now the real work begins

Hello again from Maharajgunj. I've only got twenty-six minutes to complete this post before power goes out, so I'll try and keep things brief. Tomorrow will be my last full day of medical volunteer work in Kathmandu, and I'm quite ready for things to be over at Man Mohan. You never really know what you're getting yourself into when you sign up for an internship on the other side of the world. The internship experience, like any good journey, has had its share of ups and downs (Oh, and by no means is it over yet. In fact, you might say the real meat and potatoes of the whole situation has merely begun.) On the one hand, I'll miss the clinical/education part of the work; the patients, the morning rounds, and even the hour long trek to Thamel each morning. On the other hand, I won't be missing the sometimes shady administration, the general lack of sanitation, and ofcourse, the pig-slaughtering tables out in front of the hospital each morning (and the awful stench that accompanies them.)
I've been reading over Parker Palmer's Let Your Life Speak lately, and I reckon that I'll be writing in more detail about that tomorrow. For now I'd just like to say that, as expected, the goal of my research has been somewhat modified. Since the work that I undertook didn't really constitute much of a "volunteer" position per se, I have decided to write instead about self-reflection as it deals with choosing vocation. In other words, what to do with our lives, in terms of a career. I've always been told, "Do something you enjoy doing because you're going to have to do that for the next thirty or so years of your life." But what is this whole enjoy part all about? And what about personal satisfaction, sense of accomplishment, duty, and contribution to society? Calling this an important issue would be a gross understatement. It's a huge deal! Not just for college students either, as I've come to find out through reading Palmer's essays...

Well, it's the 17th of January at this point, and I feel as if I've hardly talked about the actual purpose of my interim, and how that's been going. Oh wait, I haven't...

For those not familiar, I am working in a medical internship position in Nepal. The purpose of the interim is to complete a humanities-related research project dealing with self-reflection in the face of volunteer work. You might be asking yourself, "what is self-reflection?" One of the things that I've learned of this interim is that there are as many answers to that question as there are people living on Earth. The more and more I go on, and the more people I talk to, the more I understand that everyone is undertaking some sort of self-reflection, albeit unconsciously in most people. But still, what is it?? I suppose most generally it's some sort of conscious analysis of your own thoughts. To that aim, it is important when undertaking self-reflection to do so with maximum objectivity. Although, non-objective work isn't always useless. In fact it can be quite revealing...

When you listen to your thoughts, what is it you hear? For me it was "I want to be a volunteer physician, and I want to help end as much physical suffering as I can." Self-reflection is an attempt to look beyond that. What sort of logic was it that impelled me to that conclusion? Why would I want to be a volunteer physician, where I might be subjected worse conditions and be paid far less than a regular physician? Were there any "spiritual reasons" that came into the decision-making process? And oh yeah, what the heck does "spiritual reasons" mean, anyways? By starting to ask these questions, I've already begun the first stages of self-reflection.

Going back to the objective/non-objective work (yes, occasionally I will actually finish a thought in this blog) and continuing with my own answer as an example, let's go with one of my more general answers. "I feel inclined to become a doctor because I believe in the importance of giving to others. Life is never this simple of course but let's look at life as a continuum of giving and taking. On one end, a person gives and never takes. On the other, a person only takes and never gives. Essentially everyone lies somewhere along that continuum, based on countless reasons. Now let's look at the small portion of that continuum that actually includes free will. It seems quite small actually. Those decisions include (partially) occupation, how we spend our disposable monies, how we spend some of our free time, and so on. This is the source from which I must analyze; the point at which all baser emotions and cravings have their chance to shine. For a poor Nepali man lacking proper nutrition and clothing, whether or not he accepts a free meal from a passerby can say little about his actual character; for him the choice can be a matter of life or death. On the other hand, whether a millionaire living comfortably decides to donate half of his salary to a charity or build a vacation home offers much more insight into self. So, we've got this certain type of choice, and depending on what we choose, we are ultimately giving, taking, or doing some combination of both. For the sake of brevity, let's say that the base emotion underlying taking is greed, and the base emotion for giving is compassion. As such, the choice to become a volunteer physician, in my opinion, expresses a greater give to take ratio than that of a private physician. If I stopped here, It might sound like I was trying to boast some sense of compassion. That's not the case at all. Rather, the point of the the thought is, when we sit down and look at the choice as a matter of being more or less greedy or compassionate, it offers a new, more frank take on the situation. And what does that all mean anyways? At the core of it all, I'm suggesting that compassion is more important than greed. At the end of the day, if it means someone's life might be saved or I can have a new leather jacket, I'd rather the former be the case."

Now that's kind of a complex thought. For many a reader, it probably won't make much sense. In fact, it might not even make sense to me the next time I read it. Welcome to Self-Reflection 101. It's sort of a finnicky subject. Thoughts, motivations, and inclinations are constantly fluctuating. They are constantly being impacted and modified. What was important to me today might hold little significance tomorrow, and vice-versa.

Again, let's take a look at that thought, as a thought. It's just an inkling of all of the thoughts that have surfaced throughout my internship about my own self. Are they objective? Can anything I say ever be entirely objective? Probably not. But if I can't be objective, why bother trying? I wrote earlier than non-objective work can be telling, and I think that still holds true. If looked at that thought and came up with the conclusion that I was just some inherently compassionate person, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that's a rather biased remark. But it still says something about me. It might mean that I have an underlying desire to see myself in some sort of positive, giving light, in order that others might think better of me. If that's the case, the motivations might be borne of greed, rather than compassion. So I say, self-reflection is a tricky subject. With it, I've got to take what I can get, and go with that. Sometimes thoughts come out well and other times they don't. Ultimately, this interim will be a synthesis of all sorts of thoughts and reflections. Hopefully, at the end of all of it, things will come out as some comprehensible whole; an insight into my own self.

Life in Kathmandu

Namaste.

First off, I should excuse my lack of blogging. That is largely a matter of the lack of electricity in Kathmandu, and all of Nepal. The government of Nepal has instituted a power-sharing system whereby each section of Kathmandu receives power only during two scheduled blocks every day, each of which lasts only a couple of hours. Typically I am at work during the first block, which only leaves a short time frame during which to access the internet. At any rate, here's a bit of what Kathmandu and Nepal are like, according to my experiences...

I read before I came to Nepal that it was the second poorest country in the world. However, it doesn't seem that way, coming from India. I've scaled a good bit of the city of Kathmandu, and I haven't seen the sort of shanty-town like, tin-roof-at-best settlements that characterized much of India. Also, the country itself is much cleaner. The streets aren't covered in trash and cow dung. In fact, in Pokhara, a relatively tourist city west of Kathmandu, you might mistake the lakeside drive for a street in America if you didn't know better. The people seem warmly-dressed and fairly comfortable, all things considered.

Another thing one notices in Nepal is the friendliness of the people. Again, coming from India, where most people stare at you with blank faces (and sometimes scowl, too), Nepal offers welcome change. The people are quite willing to aid a lost traveller or just strike up a casual conversation (without trying to sell you anything!). Although, just like Varanasi, you've got to contend with the good ol' Hashish dealer. Especially in Thamel.

You see, Thamel is the touristy region of Kathmandu. In other words, it's blocks are lined with trekking equipment stores, travel agents, and an assortment of Nepal souvenir stores selling everything from Pashmina shawls to elaborate daggers. Thamel is also where I work, along with another Volunteer from the U.S. We are both participating in an internship/volunteership at Man Mohan Memorial Hospital, a private hospital that supposedly serves the poor. Sounds like a noble idea. However in actuality, there is something quite funny about the hospital.

When I signed up for the Internship, I paid a fee to cover the costs of lodging, food, some transport, and the internship itself. Apparently the administration at Man Mohan was initially concerned with just obtaining their share of that fee. When we went for our first day, they made it quite clear that they were willing to dole out letters of recommendation for the internship, esentially regardless of whether or we even participated.. as long as they got their money. After much consternation on the part of our volunteer coordinator though, things changed. We now communicate almost solely with the physicians, who it seems are the only ones that actually care about what's going on. The administration actually encouraged us to take a week off and go vacation!

Beyond that work though, I went with a group to Royal Chitwan National Park. "Chitwan," as the locals call it, is a large wildlife preserve / rainforest located southwest of Kathmandu. While there, I enjoyed a nice walk through the rainforest, an elephant safari through the jungle, and an ice-cold, early morning canoe-ride.

Currently, I am in Pokhara, the second biggest city in Nepal and home of a magnificient view of the Annapurna range of the Himalayas..

"Varanasi, the city of learning and burning..."

Or so the Indian middle-men say. After spending the past six days in Varanasi, the so-called "Holiest city in India", I'm quite certain that I could do without coming back for the next twenty years.
We've spent the last six days at the Singh Guest House, a motel/restaurant combo of sorts, a short walk from the Ganges. Unlike a western motel though, patrons have to contend with the notorious middle-man. In our case, his name was Rakesh, a portly man of about forty, whose sole job is to introduce us and others to the wonders of Varanasi (Boat rides, temple tours, and scores of Silk Emporiums, music and music lessons). Of course, he has a habit of doubling the price and taking his own cut, but in the end you come to expect that.
And since I'm on the subject of the Ganges... What a magnificient river. With such a peacful majesty to it, it's easy to understand why thousands of Indians flock to the Ghats each day to bathe, meditate, wash clothes, or just sprawl out in contemplation. Sadly, that is a peace that we will probably never know. Every day we walk along the Ghats, trying to enjoy the river, only to be berated by little children selling little flower-candle-boats, and men shouting "Boat, sir?" In addition to that, you've got the postcard salesmen who will accompany you for no less than 100 meters down the river, never leaving you alone and never taking no for an answer. And that doesn't even speak of the hashish dealers; another subject entirely. You can't sit by the Ganges for more than a minute or two without being harassed in one way or another.
And since I'm on the subject of hashish dealers, did you know the Indian goverment actually sells hashish, marijuana (bhang), and opium? That's right, there is actually an ordinance that permits the sale of these substances in certain regions of Varanasi, not coincidentally, in the touristy areas that border the Ganges. So naturally, the government is getting in on the action. I'll leave discussing the ethical implications of this for another time; just thought it would be interesting to mention.
Tuesday, Nathan and I visited Sarnath, the site of the Buddha's first teachings after attaining enlightenment. It's quite a significant place, but difficult to appreciate when you're being trailed by merchants selling water bottles and clay Buddha statues while you're trying to walk around.

Anywho, despite sounding like a negative Nancy, I'm actually enjoying my stay immensely. I suppose it is just sad that one of the most ancient cities in the world, one overflowing with history has turned into a giant tourist trap.

Peace out, Pune

For those of you not familiar with the nature of my project, let me start off by saying that the posts prior to my volunteer work phase in Kathmandu are not necessarily pertinent to the project. Rather, I am using this blog as a medium to communicate with friends and family my experiences abroad. However, in the sense that my thoughts and emotions play a crucial role in the development of my research, I suppose they are relevant. At any rate, to the story..

Nate-dawg and I arrived in Delhi about six days ago. After being conned into staying at a hotel for four hours in Delhi by a drunk taxi driver and his comrade (known simply as "Ricky"), we headed to Mumbai. From there we traveled directly to Ahmednagar and the Meher Pilgrim Retreat. After three nights there, we headed to Pune for a brief two day stay (More details on all of this to come later). As for now I think I will be concluding this post, as I am receiving several, somewhat menacing stares from some anxious patrons at this here internet salon. More to come, soon.